An 8th Grade Status Update Analysis

I can't sleep, therefore I Facebook stalk. I Facebook stalk past students. I'm curious about how they are doing out there in the scary, dark world we call Middle School. Are they acing their tests like their second grade teacher prepared them for? Do they love to read like I prayed they would? Are they on their way to becoming functioning, productive members of society?

I read.

I cry.

I find my sweet, quiet, studious, precious, dare I say "favorite" student of that first year of teaching. And this is what I find.

yu guyz wanna hear a storie.???? Us: yea sure Bruno: ok i waz walking 1 day nd there waz a stikk nd i didnt c it nd I TRIP *ppl laughing* Bruno: tru storie.. *every1 laughing hardcore* jajajaja *'**** Bruno.!! *'**** Bruno!

Where did I go rong wrong?

yu - I'm pretty sure the actual spelling of this word was one of our Word Wall Words. I have pictures to prove it. That word was on this wall at one point.

guyz - When you make a word a plural you add an s not a z. I know it may sound like a z sometimes, but I promise you it wasn't in 2nd grade --- it still isn't in 8th grade.


wanna - I'll let that slide, but only because there are much bigger fish to fry in this lesson.


storie - Again, I'm pretty sure that was on our World Wall. Refer to the above picture if you forgot what that was.


.???? - What the? We also covered this thing called punctuation. I also have proof of this. Refer to the pretty posters on the back wall. I spent good money on those. I wish you would have read them.

waz - I have no wordz except Word Wall, my little friend, Word Wall.


nd - Holy crap. Yep, I said it.


i - We also learned about capitalization. First rule in capitalization. I. Let me use it properly in a sentence. 

I want to stab my eyes out after reading your status update.

See how that worked?


stikk - Let me use this word in a sentence for you.


I want to stab my eyes out with a stick after reading your status update.

didnt - So close. I know you once knew how to properly do this. See the example below.

Notice to the right, the word "don't" --- used properly. I know this wasn't you that wrote it, but someone in second grade did, therefore I taught it.


c - "c" is a letter in the ABC's. "See" is a verb. I may not have taught that, although I probably did. Perhaps one of your other teachers failed you in that department.


ppl - Words need vowels to be words. You seem to be missing 3 of them. I can see how these might have been missed.


laughing - How did you get this word right when you can't spell and? I don't understand.


tru - I say false. You falsely spelled this word.

every1 - NO!!! You cannot combine letters and numbers to make words. No worky.


jajajajaja - I have never heard someone laugh like this. Perhaps in Germany?

*'**** - This word was not starred in the original status. Let's just say it is a very dirty cuss word and this person seems to think it ends in a double k and has an apostrophe right smack dab in the middle of the word.Again, I taught you the basics of short voweled words. At least spell you dirty words right.

Maybe since I wasn't successful maybe having my sister this year will learn you something. Surely having two Miss Royse's in your lifetime will do you some good.

Sister, fix what I messed up. Please.

I'm Too Good For First Class.

It's no secret that Doug and I have the worst luck when it comes to traveling. I think it's officially been narrowed down to me on who might be responsible for it though.

It should come as no surprise that it took me 3 weeks (7 attempted flights, and way way more flights that ended up not opening any seats) to even be able to get over here to the grand US of A. Unfortunately, that apparently was only the beginning of my travel woes.

Long story short, I was in Wichita for a couple of weeks and planned on flying to Spokane to visit Doug, whom I haven't seen in 2 months. So excited, right? Right.

So I'm sitting in the terminal waiting to board the first flight to Minneapolis and the lovely lady comes across the speakers saying our airplane is broken and it may not be able to go. Right then and there I wanted to stand up and apologize to everyone else on the flight that I was riding on their airplane. It's my fault the flaps are broken.

Flaps are important, people. I'm a pilot's wife. I know these things. I've also seen countless episodes of Air Crash Investigations --- or Mayday for my Canadian friends or Air Emergency or Air Disasters for my American friends. I urge you to check this show out. It makes you feel like you're going to crash at all times while your flying. It's fabulous. I've seriously considered investing in adult diapers for my flying experiences these days. Just sayin'.

Anyway, the very nice lady that gave us that announcement helped me see if there were other flights leaving Wichita that day so I could go find my long lost husband. But alas, it was not meant to be. But she said I was so sweet that she would put me in first class for the Minneapolis to Spokane leg the next day. Score! I'll take it.

Mom drove about 45 minutes back to the airport to get super posh daughter. Sorry, Mom. But thanks for the Sonic. Score again!

That night I did some research on how I should behave in first class. Man was I nervous. I could use all the help I could get, and thanks to my awesome friends and family I got all the info I'd ever need.

1. Say in my best rich person voice, "Bring me the head of a pig". - credit goes to Kristin
2. Immediately pull out my laptop and look busy when everyone else boards so they think I'm making money right NOW. - credit goes to Kristin and Liz
3. Don't look like a scrub. - credit goes to lots of advice online. I don't think scrub was used in that advice, but that's my paraphrase.
4. Bathe - credit goes to myself. Sometimes my smartness amazes me.
5. Appear to know what I'm doing. - credit goes to myself, thus the reason I was researching.
6. Don't wear flip-flops because apparently people will look down on me if I do. - credit goes to random man on message board who thinks people who wear flip-flops are "low rent" --- including his wife. Jerk.
7. Shout obscenities and throw bodily fluids. - credit goes to Nick and Liz 
8. Use my newly acquired British accent. - credit goes to Katie
9. Speak French. - credit goes to Liz (all I really know is oui which would really go right along with the throwing bodily fluids around)
10. Bring your own colorful and fringed shawl/blankey thing - using the blanket the airline provides is so pedestrian. I believe rich people call them pashminas. - credit goes to Lindsay
11. Wear giant sunglasses at all times. - credit goes to Lindsay and Andy
12. Take an excessively long time to put your luggage in the overhead compartment thereby holding up the rest of the passengers waiting to board. - credit goes to Lindsay
13. Look really disinterested in anything. - credit goes to Matt
14. Ask for Grey Poupon. - credit goes to Megan
15. Walk in like you own it. - credit goes to Nick
16. Carry my Coach bag. - credit goes to Hallie
17. If you have to write anything, use apostrophes correctly. It shows you are educated. - credit goes to Janel
18. Order a glass of wine to enjoy while others board. - credit goes to Shaun and Kathee
19. Where a big, fancy hat. - credit goes to Chris
20. Little Finger Up while sipping is a key. - credit goes to John


Who wouldn't be ready for first class with a list like that?!? Feel free to borrow these tips, all my fancy friends.

Thankfully the following day my flight took off. On a different plane that had flaps that worked. Flaps are important.

I get to Minneapolis and choose not to eat a meal because I'm riding in first class, therefore I will be receiving a head of a pig for my dinner. I settled on a little snack of an egg roll...and maybe a piece of fudge from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory (they had a military discount, I couldn't help myself).

Boarding time came and right before they call first class to board my name popped up on upgrade screen. I was already assigned to seat 2C how much more could I be upgraded? First row? Pilot? There was no time to go up to the desk because they immediately called boarding so I just decided to wait til' they scanned my boarding pass to find out what I was so lucky to upgrade to. My boarding pass gets scanned and the machine prints out a piece of paper and the lady hands it to me and says, "Here's your new seat!" Sweet. 5D. Nothing too weird. 5D still sounds like first class so I'm still flying high. Then I get on the plane and look at the seats....

5D is not first class. 5D is the first row of coach. Did I not study hard enough for first class? Did I stink? Did I smell of inferiority? I was wearing flip-flops --- that had to be it. I was "low rent".

I thought, "Well, maybe they have extended first class an extra row." Then all the people in front of me got served drinks. The flight attendant didn't even look in my direction. My world started to cave in around me.

Once we took off I knew my dream was not going to happen because this happened.

They shut the "curtain". Not just any curtain. A curtain you can see through. It screams, "You're blocked out of this world, but you can still see into it. Sucker." Worst seat ever.

I sat there and watched as they were handed, with oversized tweezers (the flight attendant musn't touch the first class person), warm washrags to blot their travel-weary faces. WHAT ABOUT MY TRAVEL WEARY FACE?!?

I sat there and watched each person get a cloth placemat laid out in front of them. I MAKE MESSES TOO!!

I sat there and watched them get served steak, salad, and dessert on glass dishes. I'M HUNGRY!! I'M LIVING OFF OF A COLD EGGROLL SERVED IN A PAPER TRAY.

I sat there and watched them sprinkle salt and pepper out of their very own porcelain salt and pepper shakers. RUBBING SALT IN MY WOUND, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

I sat there and watched them drink out of crystallike glasses for the rest of the flight. PLASTIC FLIMSY GLASSES, THAT'S WHAT I'M DRINKING OUT OF AND IF THE TWO TODDLERS BEHIND ME THAT ARE SCREAMING AND KICKING MY CHAIR DON'T STOP I'M GOING TO ACCIDENTALLY SPILL MY PLASTIC, FLIMSY DRINK OVER THE BACK OF MY CHAIR.

I sat there and watched them cuddle up with their blankets and pillows for a lovely midflight nap. I'M SO COLD. STUPID FLIP-FLOPS.

Thankfully they didn't have inflight entertainment...that would've been it.

I was sitting next to an army chaplain and I felt like I needed to confess my first class lust at the end of the flight. I'm not Catholic and I'm pretty sure he wasn't either, but I still felt like I needed to. I didn't. I was too ashamed. I confessed to my husband later.

And he laughed at me.

Then I showed him what I found in the in-flight magazine, while I was trying to ignore what was happening in front of me, that I'm gonna buy him for his birthday.

Who's laughing now?!? Our Christmas cards are gonna be adorable.

Yaalright?

One of my goals this year has been to consistently, appropriately respond when an English person asks me a basic question. Not just any basic question...a very common one over here.

Now in the states when someone walks up to you they may ask, "How are you?" To which you would reply with, "fine", "good", "I'm doing well", or "Well, so far today, I woke up and stubbed my toe, spilled my milk from my cereal bowl, didn't get all of the conditioner washed out of my hair (which is why it looks so greasy right now...it's not because I don't wash my hair), burned my ear on my straightener, and burned dinner." Maybe not the last response, but you catch my drift.

Over here they don't ask you, "How are you?" Instead it goes a little like this:

"Yaalright?"

Now say it fast...now add an accent.

So for about a year I never answered this question appropriately. Not once. My answers varied throughout those months. Conversations went a little like this:

Man Fixing My Dryer: Yaalright?
Me: Uuuuuuhahhhh.

I'm not kidding. Sound it out. It's what I did. I felt dumb.

Person at Church: Yaalright?
Me:Fine.

Yea, that made A LOT of sense. I promise I do speak in complete sentences on occasion.

Neighbor: Yaalright?
Me: Complete blank stare. *thinking* What have they heard about me?!? Are there rumors going around? Do I look sick? Do I look like I'm not alright?!?

So because I was tired of feeling like a complete imbecile every time someone tried to be nice and ask if I was alright, I made it a goal to really start listening and answer appropriately.

I might or might not have practiced to myself at home.

I would like to report that when someone asks me, "Yaalright?" I can now respond with a very intellectual response of "Yes, and you?" quite consistently.

Brilliant.

It only took me 14 months to master. It's a good thing we live in a country that at least kind of speaks a language I understand. I'd be in a world of trouble if we were in Japan. Think of all the insults I could be hurling at people and not even know it.

I'll take heavy accents, weird words, and strange syntax. Thank you very much!

I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant

Did my title capture your attention? Did it hook you? My high school English teachers would be so proud.

Don't get your panties in a wad though, cuz I'm not...at least I don't think so.

Seriously though, have you seen this show on TLC? Or on DMAX if you're on the other side of the ginormous pond. It is downright ridiculousness. It's one of those shows you just watch and wonder, "What the heedizzle?!?"

For those of you out there who have never been blessed to be able to view the beauty of this show it's about women who go into labor and give birth without ever knowing they were pregnant for the past 9 months. They go into labor and are pretty positive their about to die rather than birth a child. Which from what I've heard even women who know they're pregnant are convinced of the same.

I often watch this show (and it's always the same 3 episodes they repeatedly play) and wonder how the heck do you go for 9 months and not have a clue? There are larger ladies on the show so I suppose I could see that...maybe. BUT the itty bitty girls...where in the world does the kid go?!?

Now it used to be healthy for me to watch this show. Just one of those shows I sit in wonderment at and laugh...then get on my knees and pray it's not possible.

But it's gone to a whole new level.

Now when I bake cookies and they are sitting on my counter and I think, "Wow, a cookie sounds really good right now!"
My immediate response to myself is, "Oh shoot, is this a craving?!? Am I pregnant and I don't know it?!"
Then I must remind myself, "Self, there are fresh chocolate chip cookies for your taking...who wouldn't crave one of those beauties?!?"

Now when I gain a pound or two I think, "Oh man, I've gained a couple pounds!! Am I pregnant and I don't know it?!"
Then I must remind myself, "Self, you've been eating the fresh chocolate chip cookies on your counter and you haven't worked out for a month. There is an explanation for this."

Now when I lie in bed at night and I feel movement in my abdominal area I think, "Holy Moses, is that a baby moving?! Am I pregnant and I don't know it?!" Then I can't fall asleep...so I do the only thing that makes sense...design the nursery in my head.
Then after I've decided on color schemes and wood finishes I must remind myself, "Self, remember those cookies? There's this thing called digestion. There is an explanation for this."

So, if you ever consider watching the show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant", you might want to rethink it...unless you want to be paranoid every time your body does something that's probably completely normal because you eat cookies. That show is straight from the devil.

BTW, I'm really not pregnant...unless I just don't know it.

Now excuse me while I go eat a cookie.

Nightmares

How is it that healing takes a really really long time sometimes?

May 4, 2007 was a devastating day for a whole town in Kansas. The day that Greensburg was completely taken out. Peoples' lives were completely flipped upside down.

That same night, my life flipped upside down in a whole different way...and to this day I still have nightmares. In fact, I had one last night. I was so excited because I hadn't had one in probably a month or maybe even two, and had actually had a brief thought late last week that it had been quite a while since I'd had one...then last night happened. I woke up in a cold sweat and my heart racing. I hate it.

I thought back in 2007 that I was in God's will, yet at the same time I knew I wasn't...I really have no idea how to explain it except that I was one confused lady...obviously, based on that description! One day I was going about life as normal, had a new job, was moving back to be closer to home, and then Bam! the next day I was on a rollercoaster in a tunnel and I didn't feel like I could ever figure out what was going on or what was going to happen next. All I knew was I was stuck on this ride and was never gonna be able to get off.

Over the course of the next 3 months my heart got shredded. I don't think I compare the emotional pain to anything I have EVER felt before or since. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I lost sight of what life was supposed to be like. I lost sight of what God really wanted. I think I knew for a while that what was going on was not what God wanted, but I really felt like I had no idea how to fix it. Like I had made my bed and now I was going to lie in it.

Somehow those 3 months are a blur and yet I have flashbacks of details that hit me randomly. Somehow God brought me out of that weird fog and right back to Him and I know He has forgiven me for not listening, but I've discovered that the hardest thing is forgiving myself. I think I do pretty well most of the time, but then the nightmares hit and I don't know where they come from. I thought once we moved I wouldn't see familiar vehicles, locations, or people so it would all go away, but it hasn't. I think since moving I've had to actually face more of the guilt than before because I've been starting all over. I've had a lot more time on my own than ever before and so I've had to deal with stuff that I didn't deal with in the past.

Obviously Satan knows my weak spots and likes to point out, "You are such an idiot! Look what you did 4 years ago! What were you thinking?!?" I often times let my guard down by not spending time in the Word or praying like I should, and that's exactly when Satan decides to take advantage. Why do I never learn?!?

God has brought me a very very long way since 2007. I have the best husband in the entire world. He treats me with respect. He shows that he loves me physically, mentally, emotionally...He actually wants to be associated with me in public, he says loving things to me, he prays for me, he financially takes care of me...I am blessed. I don't deserve any of it, yet God decided to bless me with this man.

This year I refuse to live in bondage over my past. Yes, I wish I could go back and change May 4, 2007. I wish the people in Greensburg didn't have to go through the pain of losing everything that night. I wish I would've sought more of God's guidance to prevent the next three months. I can wish all I want though, but it's happened, and just as the people in a tornado ridden town have to rebuild so do I.

Here's hoping for no more nightmares...and if I do, I refuse to dwell on it and feel guilty or ridden with fear. Instead I will rebuke Satan in the name of Jesus, hold onto my joy that He has brought me to where I am today, and go back to sleep peacefully in His arms.

Wonka Observations

As a child I never gave a second thought to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. While watching today I noticed a few things after having some life experience.

1. How come my teachers never dismissed my classes when there were give aways inside candy bars? I totally got jipped.
2. I didn't understand the little random scenes as a child...you'll be glad to know that I would give up my case of Wonka bars if my husband's life depended on it.
3. I want to punch Veruca Salt in the face...wait, I wanted to do that when I was a kid too.
4. I want to punch Mr. and Mrs. Salt in the face too.
5. How the heck does Slugworth know the order the candy bars will be opened?
6. What kind of parent wouldn't be alarmed that a creepy looking stranger man, with a huge scar across his face that appears to be from a knifing, is whispering in their child's ear? Parents in the 70's were far too trusting.
7. I would like to name my future child Charlie just so I can stand in an alley and sing to him. The song is perfectly in my vocal range. It only makes sense to name him Charlie because of this.
8. I think I've taught Mike Teevee.
9. On the subject of teaching, how come the teacher can't figure out the percentage for 2 candy bars? He probably shouldn't have gotten his degree...or at least he should have read his teacher's edition.
10. Grandpa Joe is a lazy bum. "Bed Ridden for 20 years" my butt. I'm onto you Grandpa Joe.
11. Speaking of bed ridden for 20 years and never setting foot on the floor during that time, there are 4 old people sleeping in one bed...for 20 years...that just screams bed bugs to me.
12. If chocolate can bring an old man out of bed after 20 years, he can overcome his atrophy, and be dancing circles within minutes, my theory that chocolate fixes everything has some truth to it.
13. Gene Wilder scares me.
14. I can't think of a better way to go than drowning in chocolate.
15. Oompa-Loompas' skin color reminds me of some of the contestants on The Bachelor.
16. How disgusting would an Everlasting Gobstopper be? Slobbery and sticky.
17. I can only imagine how fast strep would spread with lickable wallpaper.
18. Who knew you could float when you were attached by a string to your pants?!
19. Always, always read the small print.
20. I live in a town that looks like Charlie's town.

Cadbury Craziness!!

Seriously it's like heaven here. The weather really stinks right now, but it's been Easter here for about a month! A month I say! That means Easter candy galore. It seems my British friends passed up Valentines Day for the most part and went straight to Easter.

And we all know what Easter means right?!? That's right, my friends!! CADBURY CREME EGGS!! All of that unknown goo all wrapped in delicious, silky smooth Cadbury chocolate.

One of the beauties of living in England is you can find Cadbury chocolate on every corner. It's like what Hershey's is to the US of A...only way creamier.

Over here you can buy Cadbury Creme Eggs in bulk. Yes, you heard me right all you chocolate creamy goopy fiends. You can buy them with great self-control and only get one. Or. You can step it up a notch and upgrade to the 6 pack. OR!!! If you feel a need to go into a sugar coma you can purchase the mother of all Cadbury Creme Eggs and haul a 12 pack out the door.

I've done really well and haven't partaken in any of this ridiculousness. It's only a matter of time though until I come skipping into my house with about twenty 12 packs.

I thought I had really good self-control...until I saw these babies...

I found these at Tesco...for £1.11...and I'm all about finding deals. So I had to buy them. I just had to...to make my husband proud. It had nothing to do with the fact they they are Cadbury Creme Eggs in the form of ice cream cones. It was all in the name of cheapness. I mean if you break it down it's like 28 pence each! BARGAIN!!

Do they even have these in the states?! And if so, have I just missed them all these years?

Since I bought them I had to taste one...just in case they were bad. I wouldn't want to feed my husband something that was not so tasty. So I did.

And this is how I felt after the experience.

It had the light, fluffy consistency that good British ice cream has with all that goo whirled into it. Sadly I couldn't really taste the goo. But that may have been a defective cone. I may need another one just to check. I would have given it two thumbs up if I could have tasted the whirly goo (and if I didn't have to use my other hand to take the picture).

All in all, I would say I would gladly pay 28p to eat another one of those...the last bite of Cadbury chocolate at the bottom of the cone is worth it.

Meat Paste, Anyone?!

Chicken Paste? Sounds delicious spread in between two pieces of bread, eh? No worries, if you aren't feeling a hankerin' for chicken paste, here in the amazing country of England, you can purchase your favorite meat in the form of paste and eat it as a sandwich...or perhaps with a spoon?

Don't forget to save room for dessert!

Don't Wash Your Car in 40 MPH Wind

Seriously, this is embarrassing, but I'm just gonna put it out there for the world to see anyway.

Really, it was completely pointless for me to blur out the license plate on this picture...you couldn't see it anyway!

I admit I hate washing my car. With. A. Passion. I could take it to get it washed by someone by hand here in town, but that would require me to pay said person £15-£60...Really?!? People line up at that place. It's ridiculous. The reason I hate it so is because the roads we drive on daily over here are downright disgusting! My car will look this way within a day or two after washing it. We use windshield wiper fluid like candy over here. Sometimes I feel like I need to just let it constantly stream. If a tractor or any large vehicle is going to opposite direction or if I'm following one, I'll end up with big splotches of mud all over the windshield making it impossible to see. Which tends to be a problem while driving.

So yesterday I ended up giving in and washing the darn thing. Doug has been begging me for weeks and he's too busy to do so I thought yesterday was the best day to do it. The day that the wind was blowing 40 mph. I'm not sure why I thought yesterday was the day, but I did. And I have barely survived to talk about it.

• Problem #1: The wind is blowing...hard.
• The wind blew the bottle of car soap over spilling half of it all over our sidewalk right outside the back door. Awesome.
• The wind blew the gate shut repeatedly and I needed it open. I tried propping it open with a huge potted plant that is quite heavy. The wind blew that over and slammed the gate shut again making me want to drop to the ground and take cover.
• The wind blew the garage door shut. Don't ask how it happened, but it did several times.

• Problem #2: England has the dumbest hoses known to man.
• It took us several weeks to get the right connections for our hose.
• For some reason today I hooked it up and it decided to spray out of the spray nozzle and out of the connection area thus soaking me.
• Refer to Problem #1...it was COLD!
• I ended up just removing the attachment and using my thumb to spray the water.
• Refer to Problem #1...my hands immediately froze.
• I hate our hose.

• Problem #3: The car had approximately 4 months of grotiness caked on it. 
• I washed the car once and then hand dried it.
• It was still dirty.
• The neighbors were sitting their warm house laughing at me.
• I washed the car again and then hand dried it.
• It was still dirty.
• I gave up.

After washing my car two times and it taking over an hour and me quitting here were the results:

I got a new car!!!

I had a good hair day!!

Or not.

I got clean hands after using the soapy water to clean the car.

Makes you wanna eat some fried chicken with your fingers, huh?

Kitchen Failures

Here's what I made for dinner tonight.

This is what is called a Ginger-Apple Stuffed Porkchop.

Let me tell you, cutting a "pocket" into a 1 inch thick porkchop takes skill so as not to end up with Finger-Apple Stuffed Porkchops.

I would give you all this recipe, but it didn't go over so well in my household tonight. Yes, it may look delectable, but alas it wasn't that fantastic. Not bad, but just not "Hey, I should make these again" quality. I have yet to discover how to make a porkchop juicy. Either porkchops are a naturally tough cut of pig or perhaps porkchops just don't like me. I'm just about ready to give up on them.

I will say that rice in the background was quite tasty though. I sauteed the rest of my zucchini from earlier this week, made some rice, then combined it all with some cheese. I could eat that at every meal.

Speaking of zucchini, I had another "disappointment" earlier this week. I made Zucchini Brownies...which is actually zucchini cake. I thought it was pretty good, but someone else didn't like it as much. Seriously, it's chocolate flavored with chocolate, peanut butter frosting...I thought it was lovely.

Marcia, if you are out there, yours is supposedly the best so feel free to send me that recipe and I'll try again!

My future?

So I had a bored moment today and saw a vision of my future child. Yes, my friends, I know what my future child will look like. Everyone, I would like you to meet Matilda...

Apparently, when you morph Doug's face and my face together this is what you get...a blurry little girl. I'm really hoping she won't be so blurry in real life though. It's rather trippy and I don't think my brain could handle that for long periods of time.

When Doug and I do have a kid we are going to come back and reference this picture...and if our kid doesn't look like this I want my money back. Or I would at least like the time I spent doing this back.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow...Probably Not Though.

The sun came out today!!! Nuff' said.

When the sun comes out here you literally feel better. It doesn't peek out too terribly often and usually if it starts out sunny it will be cloudy by the end of the day. Today though it was out all day long!!! Oh and this was the highest the sun got today.

Not gonna lie I laid on the floor of my living room in the sun today...just because I could!! I felt like a puppy. And I was okay with it. I had no shame. None whatsoever. It was so shiny, bright, warm, and snuggly feeling.

Yes, I wanted to snuggle with the sun.

Back in the Saddle

Alright, I'm going to take another approach at blogging. I've seen lots of people do this and it seems to work nicely. I'm going to post a picture a day...or try my best at least...and talk about it. So, if you have done this in the past, thanks for letting me steal your idea! :-)

For my first official picture I'm actually not using one from today. I understand I am a cheater and I'm okay with this...in regards to a blog. No other time is cheating a good thing...I cheated a couple of times in high school and I am ashamed to this day...I cheated in my Bible class...I am really really ashamed to this day. Don't cheat, kids.

On with my blog cheating.

As most people know, Doug was in a car accident this last week. Yesterday we went to the wrecking company to have a look and make sure he got everything out of the car. This is the car that greeted us. We are still in absolute amazement that he walked away without any injuries other than the scratches and bruises he obtained as souvenirs. God was definitely looking out for him that night! The pictures I took yesterday, I believe, are a testimony to God's protection and faithfulness!

We went and looked at a car today and we both REALLY liked it. It's in our budget and it basically looks exactly like his old car only with the broken windows, dents, scratches, the steering wheel is on the opposite side and it's a stick shift.

Stick shift. Yes, a stick shift. I have a feeling my dad is either laughing right now or cringing....maybe having some flashbacks? 

Speed

One month later...



I asked in my last post if anyone knew what this sign was for here in the United Kingdom:

Amanda, had a good guess because it would appear that this road leads to nowhere, but alas this would be our "National Speed Limit" sign. Let me explain.

The above road would be a 60 mph zone. I dare you to drive 60 down that road.

But not all of these signs mean 60 mph. They vary based on the type of road you are on.

If you are on a single carriageway:

the national speed limit is 60 mph.

If you are on a dual carriageway:

or a motorway:

the national speed limit is 70 mph.

If it's not a national speed limit area then it's just whatever is posted.

Confusing much? Actually it's not so bad and makes sense, except when you have a road like the first picture and wonder who in their right mind would drive 60 down that road?

What's That Sign?

Today we are having a "What's that British Roadsign?" quiz.

If you currently live in the UK or used to live in the UK you are not allowed to play...sorry! But if you want to answer to throw others off I'm all about that! Those of you who can play...NO GOOGLING ALLOWED!!!! If you Google it you will be declared a British Roadsign Cheater and nobody wants that title. Trust me. Oh and Demo, no asking your British work buddy. If you do, you fail. Nuff said. :)

Here's your British Roadsign for the day:

And Go!

My Mom Taught Me Not To Stare

I know I've been gone a while...but I can't pass up this opportunity to teach you something. It might have something to do with my college major. And since I'm not using that degree right now I need an outlet. So I'm using you. Thanks!

I went to the market today. This is a very big deal where I live. There is a market on Thursdays and on Saturdays. You can find a variety of objects at the market like flowers, junk from someone's house, bacon, ostrich burgers, and fresh seafood. There is something for everybody, even one ride for the kiddies. It goes in circles so whatever they just ate, whether it be an ostrich burger, ostrich hot dog, cupcakes from Miss Gingerbread, or battered sausage, has a chance to make a reappearance in the middle of the mob of people in the town center. Perfect. But I digress.

I decided today to try a recipe I've been wanting to give a whirl at for about a month. It called for peeled, deveined jumbo shrimp. I thought that the fresh seafood man needed a visit. The price was basically 2 pounds for 100 grams of fresh prawns so I thought to myself, "Self, I have not a clue how much 100 grams is because I didn't pay attention to metrics in school so maybe I should go to the grocery store down the street and buy some backup baby prawns." So I did it. With my backup baby prawns in tow I then stopped at the fresh place to get my ginormous shrimp. When I got up there instead of asking if he had fresh, deveined, peeled prawns, this is what I said, "I need 100 grams of fresh prawns." He was happy to oblige and this is what I ended up with:

In case you were wondering, these are not peeled, nor are they deveined. I saw what he was doing, but felt dumb and didn't stop him. I tried to act like I knew what I was doing...like I wasn't from Kansas where our shrimp don't have shells, eyes, legs or gargantuan feelers. In Kansas they come in a package in a freezer.

So I got home and laid them out just like this on the cutting board and stared at them for a while. Confused. While I was staring at them, they were staring back at me:

Then I got a brilliant idea. There is this cool thing called Google, I don't know if you've heard of it, but I hear it's a pretty big thing. So I googled how to peel and devein these little suckers. Oddly, the written directions were different than the video that accompanied it so I did a little bit of both and I think it was pretty successful. So today I'm going to teach you step by step how to peel and devein prawns.

In the course of this tutorial try not to imagine this:



Imagining Pepe will make this a whole lot harder and you'll feel a lot guiltier. Trust me.

So here we go.

Step 1: Attempt to not throw up. This may be hard, as the smell is quite strong and the little critters appear like they could hop up and scamper around your kitchen at any moment. Don't worry, they're dead. They won't scamper. Also in the course of the peeling process you may see some things that will make you want to lose that ostrich burger you ate for lunch. Don't. You can do this.

Step 2: Twist the head of the prawn off. No joke. It'll pop off a lot easier than you may think.

Try not to think too much about what just oozed out of the head...if you do think about it too much refer back to Step 1.

Also as a side note...this may happen:

Yes, sometimes the legs and part of the head may not want to depart the body. If this is the case, just get a knife out and finish the job. Oh yes, and those red smears on the cutting board don't come off...


Step 3: Peel of the shell by grabbing the legs and pulling them apart.

Things are starting to look a little more like their supposed to. the world is becoming right again.

Step 4: Deveining. Apparently I was lucky because I didn't find the veins in my prawn. I think I squished it all out in the ripping the head off portion. But in case you do have a vein still in there...which yes, is their digestive tract...just use a sharp knife and slice it right down its back and pull the vein out.

Step 5: Wrap all of the heads, legs, and shells in newspaper and put it in a paper bag in your garage for the next two weeks to rot, where it will make you garage smell like flowers...

Oh wait...that's just me.

And yes, that is a man shooting peas through a blow gun in that picture. He was practicing for the pea shooting contest. That contest comes a couple months after the eel throwing contest...not lying. But that's a whole other post.

Step 6: Cook 'em up!

They only take like 3 minutes to cook. Aren't their babies cute?

Step 7: Chow down!

And pay no attention to the messy kitchen...it's a figment of your imagination.

So, there you have it how to peel and devein a prawn. You may now go about your regular activities.

First 4 Days

Here's what we've been up to over the past 4 days:

May 12th:

• Ate at Spangles with la familia.
• Went to airport.
• Said goodbye to la familia.
• Flight got delayed for 20 minutes.
• Flight got delayed for 45 minutes.
• Flight got delayed for 95 minutes.
• Got on airplane.
• Sat on runway for 30 more minutes.
• Flew to Chicago.
• Doug runs to other flight on other side of airport which was leaving in 15 minutes.
• I wait for baggage and then run to other flight on other side of airport which is leaving in 10 minutes.
• I make it even though I was taken off the passenger list. They let me on.
• Doug makes his first British friend. Or not.
• Fly over ocean and watch 4 movies in the process. Don't sleep

May 13th:

• Fly over ocean and watch 4 movies in the process. Don't sleep.
• Go through customs.
• Wait for bus at airport for 90 minutes.
• Ride 2 hours.
• Fight sleep while riding said bus.
• Fail.
• Walk 1/4 of mile with 4 suitcases, 2 laptop bags, 1 camera bag and a garment bag to room.
• Let Doug carry 40-60 lb bags upstairs. It's the least I can do. It makes him feel all manly and stuff.
• Take 1 1/2 hour 1 hour nap.
• Attempt to get out of bed.
• Succeed. Barely.
• Take shower in lukewarm water. All I want is to be warm...it's so cold everywhere I go.
• Almost faceplant when stepping out of shower. It's no good when your legs are short and your tub is tall.
• Realize I can't plug in my straightener without blowing it up.
• Mourn.
• Meet our sponsor's to drive us around the area. I'm sure she's impressed with my awesome hairdo.
• Ride in the left hand front seat.
• Panic.
• Confusion.
• Scared for lives of others my life when I'm allowed out on the road behind the wheel.
• Eat Indian food and drink tap water with 1 ice cube.
• Go grocery shopping and buy cereal but forget milk. Need nap.
• Come home.
• Go to bed.

May 14th

• Wake up.
• Don't want to get out of bed.
• Take a shower in lukewarm water again. Still cold. Didn't faceplant it.
• Eat Goldfish. (Remember we forgot milk)
• Follow the husband around for work stuff. Meet nice people with accents.
• Try to do combination to get into mailbox. Attemps: 4
• Figure out they gave us wrong combination.
• Try to do new combination to get into mailbox. Attempt:1
• Buy milk.
• Eat a sandwich.
• Attempt to not go to sleep all day long.
• Go car shopping.
• Success.
•  Walk to pub.
• Order Bangers and Mash and Mushy Peas.
• Sit.
• Wait.
• Old British man and next table who hasn't been served in 55 minutes throws fit by banging his cane on the ground and make himself heard.
• Decide I need a cane...or at least a large stick.
• Get food 90 minutes after ordering.
• Decide food is not so good and heated in a microwave since it's cold in the middle and don't finish.
• Get glared at by a nice British lady who is appalled that we didn't make happy plates.
• Walk to Burger King and get a cheeseburger.
• Husband is in a better mood now that he has decent food in his stomach.
• Come back to the room and watch a movie.
• Discover there are no subtitles for Arabic parts, but decide to try to figure it out on our own.
• Too tired to finish movie. 
• Discover heater doesn't work anymore.
• Go to bed.

May 15th

• Wake up at 4:30 a.m.
• Try to decide if lack of sleep is due to jet lag, stupid crow outside our window, pigeon with something stuck in his throat outside our window responding to stupid crow, or buckwheat-like pillow.
• Get up and talk to the fam and Amanda on Skype since they haven't gone to bed yet.
• Eat cereal with milk.
• Go back to bed and sleep for 2 1/2 hours.
• Wake up again.
• Take a shower with hot water!
• Eat a sandwich. Pray that I start liking sandwiches.
• Cry about prospect of test driving a car on the left-hand side of the road. Yes, there were tears.
• Go car shopping again. 
• Make Doug test drive Lexus and BMW.
• Decide on Lexus.
• Walk home.
• Finish movie without subtitles.
• Internet goes out.
• Sponsor's wife picks us up for dinner at their house.
• Stop and purchase a straightener. And the people rejoiced.
• Eat "Armadillo Eggs", aka cream cheese filled jalapenos covered in charizo.
• Act brave like hot stuff doesn't bother me while dying.
• Eat ribs.
• Go home.
• Go to bed.

Sick.

I had a hairy spider on the outside of my driver's side door all the way home from work today. On a highway that is 70 mph. He was acting like he was trying to dig through my window to get me. My heart rate was sky high because I believe he could've done it. I prayed he would blow off of the window, but he nestled him self in a little shelter from the 70 mph wind. Smart spider. He crawled into a crack on window/door when I pulled into my parking lot. The maintenance lady was probably wondering why I bolted out of my car and made a run for my building. It's because he appeared to be a jumping spider. Who am I kidding? Ever spider is a jumping spider.

Blind as a Bat

I got to go to the eye doctor today. Notice I say "got". I'm trying to think positively. I hate going to the eye doctor. I probably hate it more than any other doctor out there. So far. I even had a skin biopsy this week which involved sharp objects and stitches. I was dreading the eye doctor more than the sharp objects and stitches.

I have very bad eyes. I don't remember what it is like to wake up in the morning and be able to see stuff besides blurred images. I don't know what my husband looks like when he wakes up. I'm sure he looks totally hot though. Don't we all when we wake up? He probably wishes he had my eyesight when he wakes up in the morning and sees me.

Anyway, I asked my eye doctor (who was a stand-in for my doctor who is currently on maternity leave) what my vision was. Like, I know it's not 20/20. He couldn't tell me. I had my contacts out when I asked him this question so I was talking to a blurred object that was moving around in front of me...about 5 feet in front of me...okay, more like 3 feet. I had a Mary Ingalls moment, except my eyes aren't that pretty blue and I wasn't wearing a prairie girl dress, but I did want to reach out in front of me and touch his face. Not in a weird way though. In a blind way.

The blurry, moving object, with a man voice also told me I would probably be a good candidate for LASIK eye surgery as long as my cornea is thick enough and my pupils aren't as big as baseballs when the lights are out. So, if you would like to donate to the cause it costs a mere $2500 an eye. You can make the check out to me. Or I'd take $300 an eye and go to Mexico if need be. Maybe that would be a bad life choice though.

Anyway, on with my story, the blurry object, with a man voice told me he was going to tell his assistant to get me some new contacts (for free!) and she was going to explain about my new contact solution. It's fancier than my old stuff and has less preservatives apparently. So, blurry object with a man voice was soon replaced with a shorter blurry object, with a woman voice. She handed me two new contacts. Thankfully I aimed my hand right and grabbed them without missing.

Now my prescription for contacts is -6.5. For those of you peculiar lucky people out there with perfect 20/20 eyes this means I can't see squat pretty much without contacts or glasses. Everything is completely blurry like I've mentioned before. The blurry object with a woman voice had gotten the contacts for me so surely she comprehends that I have no idea what she looks like let alone what the blurry stuff in her hand is (at least I think that's her hand).  The blurry object with a woman voice starts explaining how to use the new contact solution saying things and pointing to things.

BOWAWV: Now, you're going to put your contacts in this little contraption.
*holds contraption in air...I think*

Me: *thinking* Can't see. *saying* Okay
*fumbling to open the new contacts in my lap*

BOWAWV: Then you're going to squirt the solution up to this line.
*point to alleged line...I assume*

Me: *still thinking* Still can't see, lady! *saying* MmmHmm
*struggling with new contacts that I'm currently feeling for in the package*

BOWAWV: You can see how the lid with the contacts will then fit into container with the contact solution.
*puts lid on...maybe."

Me: *thinking* Has she worked with people who are blind before?! *saying* Ahhh, I see!
*finally wrangle a contact and slip it into my right eye*

BOWAWV: Now, I'll put it all back in the box for you and you're good to go!
*puts it in box...I know cuz I'm looking at her with one eye open and one eye shut*

Me: *thinking* Dang it, I missed the show. Hope I can figure out how to soak my contacts tonight correctly. *saying* Thanks!
*attempts to start on the next contact*

Good thing there are directions on the back of the box just in case I couldn't see anything that she was doing.

Abilene or Bust

On Sunday we took "an adventure", as Doug would say.

The Adventurers: Phil, Janel, Doug, Me
The Adventure Location: Abilene, KS -- more specifically The Eisenhower Library and Museum

I know you all are thinking we are wild people. We know excitement when we see it. And this was it. This was a trip that both Doug and Phil were sooooo very excited about. Doug brought it up and it happened to be on Phil's list of places to visit. So it was a done deal.

I discovered on this trip what an absolutely horrible Kansan I truly am. Not lyin'. I've been a Kansan for 27 1/2 years and never been to this place and I didn't realize all the things that Eisenhower did. I think I felt a bit prouder of my state after I got done here.

Anyway, here's a little rundown of the funny things of this trip. Not tons, but there were definitely some giggles.

We first stopped at the Russell Stover Chocolate Factory...seriously can't pass up buying 3 lbs of chocolate for $10 and testing out some of that gloriousness. We had an idea of where to eat for lunch since I had done some research before. The only problem is I couldn't remember the name of it. All I knew is that it was in an old farmhouse and it was good country cookin' (AKA fried). The iPhone wasn't working out so well being in the Middle of Nowhere, KS (apparently "more bars in more places" doesn't include Abilene, KS). Doug decided to ask the lady at the cash register where to eat since she appeared to be a native and surely she would recommend this place since it had awesome reviews online. So, Doug asks...the lady responds, "I would highly recommend the bowling alley." 

 

We all kind of looked at each other like, "Is this a town inside joke?" But no she was serious. It's the bowling alley behind the Super 8. Thankfully around that time I got a bar of service on Doug's phone and found the name of the place we wanted. We sadly decided to not eat at the bowling alley and went with Mr. K's Farmhouse where we got a salad a full fledged fried meal, dessert and a drink for 8.95.

 

As you can imagine with two couples on a trip there is bound to be some hand holding going on. What more romantic place to hold hands than in a presidential museum that also focuses a lot on WWII? I mean really. Janel and I were standing together admiring some type of memorabilia. Doug and Phil were standing behind us looking at something else. Apparently Phil didn't get the memo that Janel was over by me and Doug was actually by Phil. I guess something about the war or the bust of Dwight D. Eisenhower made Phil have that fuzzy feeling inside so he reached out to hold "Janel's" hand. He waited and waited for her to take it. When he turned around to find out why she hadn't had the same feelings as him about Eisenhower's bust he found Doug just staring at him funny. At this point Janel and I turned around and caught the "Awkward Moose Moment", Phil turning bright red, denying it up and down, and Doug laughing at him hysterically. I think people thought we were weird. Sorry we couldn't get them to reenact this so no pics.

The boys like to read...everything. Janel and I like to look at pretty dresses and jewelry. There was a lot more reading than pretty dresses and jewelry. The boys are going to take us shopping where there isn't much reading...they just don't know it yet.

I think the highlight of the boys' day was looking at the solar panels for the water tanks.

Must be an engineer thing. Notice Janel and I didn't venture over there. We don't understand their language when they go into engineer mode.

There weren't very many people there, especially around closing time so we didn't have any pics of the four of us together. We had me and Doug:

And we had Phil and Janel:

We finally found a rather elderly security guard who was kind enough to attempt my camera. I handed it to him and showed him how to use it and he said, "Ooooo is this one of those digital cameras? My grandkids play with these things!" He struggled for a while and didn't really use the zoom to help frame the picture or he just moved from right to left to front to back. The first pic didn't turn out so well.

Poor President Eisenhower's head. So Doug had him try again and it was a success.

We were so excited to be able to spend this day with our friends!

Pics from here , here