My Mom Taught Me Not To Stare

I know I've been gone a while...but I can't pass up this opportunity to teach you something. It might have something to do with my college major. And since I'm not using that degree right now I need an outlet. So I'm using you. Thanks!

I went to the market today. This is a very big deal where I live. There is a market on Thursdays and on Saturdays. You can find a variety of objects at the market like flowers, junk from someone's house, bacon, ostrich burgers, and fresh seafood. There is something for everybody, even one ride for the kiddies. It goes in circles so whatever they just ate, whether it be an ostrich burger, ostrich hot dog, cupcakes from Miss Gingerbread, or battered sausage, has a chance to make a reappearance in the middle of the mob of people in the town center. Perfect. But I digress.

I decided today to try a recipe I've been wanting to give a whirl at for about a month. It called for peeled, deveined jumbo shrimp. I thought that the fresh seafood man needed a visit. The price was basically 2 pounds for 100 grams of fresh prawns so I thought to myself, "Self, I have not a clue how much 100 grams is because I didn't pay attention to metrics in school so maybe I should go to the grocery store down the street and buy some backup baby prawns." So I did it. With my backup baby prawns in tow I then stopped at the fresh place to get my ginormous shrimp. When I got up there instead of asking if he had fresh, deveined, peeled prawns, this is what I said, "I need 100 grams of fresh prawns." He was happy to oblige and this is what I ended up with:

In case you were wondering, these are not peeled, nor are they deveined. I saw what he was doing, but felt dumb and didn't stop him. I tried to act like I knew what I was doing...like I wasn't from Kansas where our shrimp don't have shells, eyes, legs or gargantuan feelers. In Kansas they come in a package in a freezer.

So I got home and laid them out just like this on the cutting board and stared at them for a while. Confused. While I was staring at them, they were staring back at me:

Then I got a brilliant idea. There is this cool thing called Google, I don't know if you've heard of it, but I hear it's a pretty big thing. So I googled how to peel and devein these little suckers. Oddly, the written directions were different than the video that accompanied it so I did a little bit of both and I think it was pretty successful. So today I'm going to teach you step by step how to peel and devein prawns.

In the course of this tutorial try not to imagine this:



Imagining Pepe will make this a whole lot harder and you'll feel a lot guiltier. Trust me.

So here we go.

Step 1: Attempt to not throw up. This may be hard, as the smell is quite strong and the little critters appear like they could hop up and scamper around your kitchen at any moment. Don't worry, they're dead. They won't scamper. Also in the course of the peeling process you may see some things that will make you want to lose that ostrich burger you ate for lunch. Don't. You can do this.

Step 2: Twist the head of the prawn off. No joke. It'll pop off a lot easier than you may think.

Try not to think too much about what just oozed out of the head...if you do think about it too much refer back to Step 1.

Also as a side note...this may happen:

Yes, sometimes the legs and part of the head may not want to depart the body. If this is the case, just get a knife out and finish the job. Oh yes, and those red smears on the cutting board don't come off...


Step 3: Peel of the shell by grabbing the legs and pulling them apart.

Things are starting to look a little more like their supposed to. the world is becoming right again.

Step 4: Deveining. Apparently I was lucky because I didn't find the veins in my prawn. I think I squished it all out in the ripping the head off portion. But in case you do have a vein still in there...which yes, is their digestive tract...just use a sharp knife and slice it right down its back and pull the vein out.

Step 5: Wrap all of the heads, legs, and shells in newspaper and put it in a paper bag in your garage for the next two weeks to rot, where it will make you garage smell like flowers...

Oh wait...that's just me.

And yes, that is a man shooting peas through a blow gun in that picture. He was practicing for the pea shooting contest. That contest comes a couple months after the eel throwing contest...not lying. But that's a whole other post.

Step 6: Cook 'em up!

They only take like 3 minutes to cook. Aren't their babies cute?

Step 7: Chow down!

And pay no attention to the messy kitchen...it's a figment of your imagination.

So, there you have it how to peel and devein a prawn. You may now go about your regular activities.

First 4 Days

Here's what we've been up to over the past 4 days:

May 12th:

• Ate at Spangles with la familia.
• Went to airport.
• Said goodbye to la familia.
• Flight got delayed for 20 minutes.
• Flight got delayed for 45 minutes.
• Flight got delayed for 95 minutes.
• Got on airplane.
• Sat on runway for 30 more minutes.
• Flew to Chicago.
• Doug runs to other flight on other side of airport which was leaving in 15 minutes.
• I wait for baggage and then run to other flight on other side of airport which is leaving in 10 minutes.
• I make it even though I was taken off the passenger list. They let me on.
• Doug makes his first British friend. Or not.
• Fly over ocean and watch 4 movies in the process. Don't sleep

May 13th:

• Fly over ocean and watch 4 movies in the process. Don't sleep.
• Go through customs.
• Wait for bus at airport for 90 minutes.
• Ride 2 hours.
• Fight sleep while riding said bus.
• Fail.
• Walk 1/4 of mile with 4 suitcases, 2 laptop bags, 1 camera bag and a garment bag to room.
• Let Doug carry 40-60 lb bags upstairs. It's the least I can do. It makes him feel all manly and stuff.
• Take 1 1/2 hour 1 hour nap.
• Attempt to get out of bed.
• Succeed. Barely.
• Take shower in lukewarm water. All I want is to be warm...it's so cold everywhere I go.
• Almost faceplant when stepping out of shower. It's no good when your legs are short and your tub is tall.
• Realize I can't plug in my straightener without blowing it up.
• Mourn.
• Meet our sponsor's to drive us around the area. I'm sure she's impressed with my awesome hairdo.
• Ride in the left hand front seat.
• Panic.
• Confusion.
• Scared for lives of others my life when I'm allowed out on the road behind the wheel.
• Eat Indian food and drink tap water with 1 ice cube.
• Go grocery shopping and buy cereal but forget milk. Need nap.
• Come home.
• Go to bed.

May 14th

• Wake up.
• Don't want to get out of bed.
• Take a shower in lukewarm water again. Still cold. Didn't faceplant it.
• Eat Goldfish. (Remember we forgot milk)
• Follow the husband around for work stuff. Meet nice people with accents.
• Try to do combination to get into mailbox. Attemps: 4
• Figure out they gave us wrong combination.
• Try to do new combination to get into mailbox. Attempt:1
• Buy milk.
• Eat a sandwich.
• Attempt to not go to sleep all day long.
• Go car shopping.
• Success.
•  Walk to pub.
• Order Bangers and Mash and Mushy Peas.
• Sit.
• Wait.
• Old British man and next table who hasn't been served in 55 minutes throws fit by banging his cane on the ground and make himself heard.
• Decide I need a cane...or at least a large stick.
• Get food 90 minutes after ordering.
• Decide food is not so good and heated in a microwave since it's cold in the middle and don't finish.
• Get glared at by a nice British lady who is appalled that we didn't make happy plates.
• Walk to Burger King and get a cheeseburger.
• Husband is in a better mood now that he has decent food in his stomach.
• Come back to the room and watch a movie.
• Discover there are no subtitles for Arabic parts, but decide to try to figure it out on our own.
• Too tired to finish movie. 
• Discover heater doesn't work anymore.
• Go to bed.

May 15th

• Wake up at 4:30 a.m.
• Try to decide if lack of sleep is due to jet lag, stupid crow outside our window, pigeon with something stuck in his throat outside our window responding to stupid crow, or buckwheat-like pillow.
• Get up and talk to the fam and Amanda on Skype since they haven't gone to bed yet.
• Eat cereal with milk.
• Go back to bed and sleep for 2 1/2 hours.
• Wake up again.
• Take a shower with hot water!
• Eat a sandwich. Pray that I start liking sandwiches.
• Cry about prospect of test driving a car on the left-hand side of the road. Yes, there were tears.
• Go car shopping again. 
• Make Doug test drive Lexus and BMW.
• Decide on Lexus.
• Walk home.
• Finish movie without subtitles.
• Internet goes out.
• Sponsor's wife picks us up for dinner at their house.
• Stop and purchase a straightener. And the people rejoiced.
• Eat "Armadillo Eggs", aka cream cheese filled jalapenos covered in charizo.
• Act brave like hot stuff doesn't bother me while dying.
• Eat ribs.
• Go home.
• Go to bed.

Sick.

I had a hairy spider on the outside of my driver's side door all the way home from work today. On a highway that is 70 mph. He was acting like he was trying to dig through my window to get me. My heart rate was sky high because I believe he could've done it. I prayed he would blow off of the window, but he nestled him self in a little shelter from the 70 mph wind. Smart spider. He crawled into a crack on window/door when I pulled into my parking lot. The maintenance lady was probably wondering why I bolted out of my car and made a run for my building. It's because he appeared to be a jumping spider. Who am I kidding? Ever spider is a jumping spider.

Blind as a Bat

I got to go to the eye doctor today. Notice I say "got". I'm trying to think positively. I hate going to the eye doctor. I probably hate it more than any other doctor out there. So far. I even had a skin biopsy this week which involved sharp objects and stitches. I was dreading the eye doctor more than the sharp objects and stitches.

I have very bad eyes. I don't remember what it is like to wake up in the morning and be able to see stuff besides blurred images. I don't know what my husband looks like when he wakes up. I'm sure he looks totally hot though. Don't we all when we wake up? He probably wishes he had my eyesight when he wakes up in the morning and sees me.

Anyway, I asked my eye doctor (who was a stand-in for my doctor who is currently on maternity leave) what my vision was. Like, I know it's not 20/20. He couldn't tell me. I had my contacts out when I asked him this question so I was talking to a blurred object that was moving around in front of me...about 5 feet in front of me...okay, more like 3 feet. I had a Mary Ingalls moment, except my eyes aren't that pretty blue and I wasn't wearing a prairie girl dress, but I did want to reach out in front of me and touch his face. Not in a weird way though. In a blind way.

The blurry, moving object, with a man voice also told me I would probably be a good candidate for LASIK eye surgery as long as my cornea is thick enough and my pupils aren't as big as baseballs when the lights are out. So, if you would like to donate to the cause it costs a mere $2500 an eye. You can make the check out to me. Or I'd take $300 an eye and go to Mexico if need be. Maybe that would be a bad life choice though.

Anyway, on with my story, the blurry object, with a man voice told me he was going to tell his assistant to get me some new contacts (for free!) and she was going to explain about my new contact solution. It's fancier than my old stuff and has less preservatives apparently. So, blurry object with a man voice was soon replaced with a shorter blurry object, with a woman voice. She handed me two new contacts. Thankfully I aimed my hand right and grabbed them without missing.

Now my prescription for contacts is -6.5. For those of you peculiar lucky people out there with perfect 20/20 eyes this means I can't see squat pretty much without contacts or glasses. Everything is completely blurry like I've mentioned before. The blurry object with a woman voice had gotten the contacts for me so surely she comprehends that I have no idea what she looks like let alone what the blurry stuff in her hand is (at least I think that's her hand).  The blurry object with a woman voice starts explaining how to use the new contact solution saying things and pointing to things.

BOWAWV: Now, you're going to put your contacts in this little contraption.
*holds contraption in air...I think*

Me: *thinking* Can't see. *saying* Okay
*fumbling to open the new contacts in my lap*

BOWAWV: Then you're going to squirt the solution up to this line.
*point to alleged line...I assume*

Me: *still thinking* Still can't see, lady! *saying* MmmHmm
*struggling with new contacts that I'm currently feeling for in the package*

BOWAWV: You can see how the lid with the contacts will then fit into container with the contact solution.
*puts lid on...maybe."

Me: *thinking* Has she worked with people who are blind before?! *saying* Ahhh, I see!
*finally wrangle a contact and slip it into my right eye*

BOWAWV: Now, I'll put it all back in the box for you and you're good to go!
*puts it in box...I know cuz I'm looking at her with one eye open and one eye shut*

Me: *thinking* Dang it, I missed the show. Hope I can figure out how to soak my contacts tonight correctly. *saying* Thanks!
*attempts to start on the next contact*

Good thing there are directions on the back of the box just in case I couldn't see anything that she was doing.

Abilene or Bust

On Sunday we took "an adventure", as Doug would say.

The Adventurers: Phil, Janel, Doug, Me
The Adventure Location: Abilene, KS -- more specifically The Eisenhower Library and Museum

I know you all are thinking we are wild people. We know excitement when we see it. And this was it. This was a trip that both Doug and Phil were sooooo very excited about. Doug brought it up and it happened to be on Phil's list of places to visit. So it was a done deal.

I discovered on this trip what an absolutely horrible Kansan I truly am. Not lyin'. I've been a Kansan for 27 1/2 years and never been to this place and I didn't realize all the things that Eisenhower did. I think I felt a bit prouder of my state after I got done here.

Anyway, here's a little rundown of the funny things of this trip. Not tons, but there were definitely some giggles.

We first stopped at the Russell Stover Chocolate Factory...seriously can't pass up buying 3 lbs of chocolate for $10 and testing out some of that gloriousness. We had an idea of where to eat for lunch since I had done some research before. The only problem is I couldn't remember the name of it. All I knew is that it was in an old farmhouse and it was good country cookin' (AKA fried). The iPhone wasn't working out so well being in the Middle of Nowhere, KS (apparently "more bars in more places" doesn't include Abilene, KS). Doug decided to ask the lady at the cash register where to eat since she appeared to be a native and surely she would recommend this place since it had awesome reviews online. So, Doug asks...the lady responds, "I would highly recommend the bowling alley." 

 

We all kind of looked at each other like, "Is this a town inside joke?" But no she was serious. It's the bowling alley behind the Super 8. Thankfully around that time I got a bar of service on Doug's phone and found the name of the place we wanted. We sadly decided to not eat at the bowling alley and went with Mr. K's Farmhouse where we got a salad a full fledged fried meal, dessert and a drink for 8.95.

 

As you can imagine with two couples on a trip there is bound to be some hand holding going on. What more romantic place to hold hands than in a presidential museum that also focuses a lot on WWII? I mean really. Janel and I were standing together admiring some type of memorabilia. Doug and Phil were standing behind us looking at something else. Apparently Phil didn't get the memo that Janel was over by me and Doug was actually by Phil. I guess something about the war or the bust of Dwight D. Eisenhower made Phil have that fuzzy feeling inside so he reached out to hold "Janel's" hand. He waited and waited for her to take it. When he turned around to find out why she hadn't had the same feelings as him about Eisenhower's bust he found Doug just staring at him funny. At this point Janel and I turned around and caught the "Awkward Moose Moment", Phil turning bright red, denying it up and down, and Doug laughing at him hysterically. I think people thought we were weird. Sorry we couldn't get them to reenact this so no pics.

The boys like to read...everything. Janel and I like to look at pretty dresses and jewelry. There was a lot more reading than pretty dresses and jewelry. The boys are going to take us shopping where there isn't much reading...they just don't know it yet.

I think the highlight of the boys' day was looking at the solar panels for the water tanks.

Must be an engineer thing. Notice Janel and I didn't venture over there. We don't understand their language when they go into engineer mode.

There weren't very many people there, especially around closing time so we didn't have any pics of the four of us together. We had me and Doug:

And we had Phil and Janel:

We finally found a rather elderly security guard who was kind enough to attempt my camera. I handed it to him and showed him how to use it and he said, "Ooooo is this one of those digital cameras? My grandkids play with these things!" He struggled for a while and didn't really use the zoom to help frame the picture or he just moved from right to left to front to back. The first pic didn't turn out so well.

Poor President Eisenhower's head. So Doug had him try again and it was a success.

We were so excited to be able to spend this day with our friends!

Pics from here , here

Day 1 - Yesterday

Day 1 of P90x Complete - Survived

At first I didn't think there was much to this workout...arms and back...until I was doing more push ups than I've ever done in my life and doing them in more ways than I've ever known. I tried doing them on my toes, but faceplanted it. Thank goodness for carpet. Don't mind the rug burn on my forehead.

There were several times during the hour in a half that I was either laying flat on my face unable to move or rolling on the floor laughing...then I almost cried when I got so frustrated and then I threw my resistance band because it wasn't doing what I was telling it. Disobedient resistance band.

Basically I was no good at it...no good at all. Maybe next time. Which is tonight.

Tonight we do Plyometrics...look it up. It'll be the scariest read you've ever had in your life. I'm pretty sure our downstairs neighbors are really gonna wonder what is going on up here.

Monday --- 3 More Sleeps

Well, it's official, Doug and I are not starting P90x until Monday in the wee hours of the morning.

We opened the P90x box only to discover 2 decent sized booklets and a whole bunch of DVD's. We went through the booklets and decided that starting on a Monday would fit us best since we want to take Sundays off. So, we decided to just sit on the couch and enjoy watching a workout. Yes, watch it. We didn't really exert ourselves except that Doug pushed the forward button to make the workout go faster and I sat in a corner in the fetal position, crying. It was one of the scariest things I've ever seen.

In the mean time I have half of a Pioneer Woman chocolate sheet cake to take care of.